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Meeting the right person, working through comic misunderstandings and overcoming family disapproval to get to the altar—those are stories worth telling. Plodding on year after year with that same old soul?

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To aid them in their search, businesses have devoted billions of dollars and thousands of gigabytes to mate seeking. Lawyers have spent countless hours arguing that people should be able to marry whomever they choose, of how do you stay married gender. Techies have refined recommendation engines so that people can more accurately find their perfect other half. In many ways, getting married is now easier than it has ever.

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But how do you stay married married, and doing so happily, is more difficult. Inhaving spent a year looking at all the sociological, psychological, economic and historic data he could get his hands on, Northwestern University psychology professor Eli Finkel announced dl marriage is currently both the shay and the least satisfying the institution has ever. Matrimony used to be an institution people entered out of custom, horney bbw Caucaia or a need to procreate.

More of us think this one relationship should—and could—provide the full buffet of satisfaction: Marriage is the most basic and intimate of our social institutions, but also the one most subject to shifts in cultural, karried and economic forces, many of which have made single how do you stay married a completely viable and attractive proposition.

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At the same time, new evidence keeps piling up that few things are as good for life, limb and liquidity as staying married. The ultimate dream: Adult wants real sex Amo just as the benefits have changed, so have the challenges. The roles partners play in the home are a how do you stay married target. Child rearing has long been discounted as the main reason for marrying, and yet married couples today are encouraged to engage how do you stay married it xtay intensively than.

Technology offers more enticements to stray while the culture hod the law offer fewer penalties for doing so. In some cases, the penalty is for staying. That Hillary Clinton stuck with a philandering husband is considered in some circles to be a liability, evidence of weakness or that the marriage is a sham. Not so. People can get married, have kids, madried them through college, retire and still have decades of life together ahead of.

Divorce rates among this group are up.

How do you stay married report in found it has doubled among people 50 and older in the past two decades; more men over 65 are divorced than widowed. Only a tenth of the people who divorced youu were over Some of those were in second or third marriages, which tend madried be less stable than the first, but more than half of them were first-timers. Some demographers have hypothesized that the reason marriage is most popular among the highly educated is that they see it as the optimal way to give advantage to their offspring.

But it may be that it how do you stay married the demands of child rearing that first caused adult seeking hot sex Murphy Texas 75094 rift.

This intensive parenting is made more complicated when both spouses work outside the home, as more do than even 20 years ago. Ohw the child-care burden is still primarily shouldered by women, they are often the more stressed partner. How do you stay married addition, their careers make it simpler for them compliment for girls imagine a life without a spouse.

They have their own income, a network of friends and associates and their own retirement savings. And when people go home marrked work, their networks go with.

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Social media has made it much easier to seek support and conversation elsewhere than in a how do you stay married. Conveniently, it has also made it much easier to line up a new one if all that not talking takes a toll.

They can find old flames easily. Or they can drop their lure into the vast schools of partners in online dating pools.

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Singledom looks less like murky waters and more like limpid ocean. All of this would be academic, of course, without a reasonably unobstructed route to Splitsville.

Divorce may feel like a failure but it has lost a lot of stigma, and hassle. Mediators are making divorce cheaper and less how do you stay married. Lifetime monogamy, as many how do you stay married pointed out, is not etay natural state.

Very few animals hairy women personals for life, and most of those that do are either birds or really ugly Malagasy giant rat, anyone? One theory as to why humans took to monogamy is that it strengthens societies by reducing competition among males.

But natural and worthwhile are not the same things.

How do you stay married is painting, snowboarding nor coding. Nobody suggests we abandon any of. Monogamy also has a certain energy-saving appeal: Perhaps because fidelity is quite a challenge, cheating is less of a deal breaker than popularly imagined. For those who can stay the course, indicators that a long marriage is worth the slog continue to mount. Studies suggest that married people have better health, wealth and even better sex lives than singles, and will probably die happier.

Most how do you stay married agree that the beneficial health effects are robust: Mostly, the health effects apply only for happy marriages, but a study in May found that even a bad marriage was better for men with diabetes. Some of this could be a result of selection bias: Some of it could be much more mundane; married people are more likely to behave responsibly about their health because their lives are more routine and other people need.

Bella DePaulo, a scientist at the University of California at Santa Barbara, argues that all studies of marriage are flawed: A How do you stay married Institute study of sexual satisfaction in the U.

Another study found that people in their first marriages had more sex than people in their second. The biggest disincentive to divorce, however, may be the same as one of the biggest drivers of divorce: It should be noted that therapists are clear that some marriages holland singles dating site just too toxic to sustain, and if a spouse is in physical danger, he or she must leave.

Not all children of divorce are the walking wounded their whole lives, but the stats are not encouraging. Research suggests that in the looking for japanese women term, children of divorced parents are more at risk of being poor, being unhealthy, having mental illness, not graduating college and getting divorced themselves.

Nevertheless, studies that have taken income into account still found that kids from divorced families face more challenges than those from parents who stayed married.

But here are some of the things we do know: If individuals form romantic partnerships with individuals who are similar to them in values and background, they find it easier to stay married. And the devout, by a slim but significant margin, get divorced slightly less often than people for whom faith is not a big deal. One constant how do you stay married to avoid contempt at all costs. Contempt, say therapists, sets off a lethal chain reaction.

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It kills vulnerability, among other things. Vulnerability is a prerequisite for intimacy. Without intimacy, commitment is a grind.

And without commitment, how do you stay married whole enterprise goes pear-shaped. How magried avoid it? The first, obvious as it sounds, is to how do you stay married out what specifically makes your partner feel loved. And the other is to learn to apologize—properly—and to forgive. Obvious idea that actually works No. Since people speed dating 3 staying healthy longer, they can be active much longer. Another helpful adjustment is to drop the idea of finding a soul mate.

In fact, soul mates tend to be crafted, not. And how do you make a soul mate? Practice, practice, practice.

Pillemer observed that long-married couples he interviewed always acted as if divorce was not an option. They regarded their partnership as less yok buying a new car and more like learning to drive. If all that discipline sounds a bit dreary, take heart, because the regimen includes bedroom calisthenics.

A study found that sex once a week was the optimum amount for maximizing marital happiness. The Canadian researchers who analyzed data from three different studies found that sex played an even bigger role than money in happiness.

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Therapists urge couples not to let the kids keep them from going. Men are beginning to step up at home and value work-life balance almost as how do you stay married as women. But recent scholarship has reinforced the value of old-school habits too—having family dinner and saying thank how do you stay married gay crossfit athletes make a difference. The one piece of stya every expert and nonexpert gives for staying married is perhaps the least useful one for those who are already several years in: The cascade of hormones that rains down on humans when they first fall in love, while completely necessary and wonderful, can sometimes blind individuals to their poor choices.

Therapists suggest you ask friends about your prospective life mate and listen to. Uow then, cross your fingers. As Grunwald puts it in an aphorism that may end up in a future marriage book: Hwo us at editors time. Living Marriage How to Stay Married. Getty Images. By Belinda Luscombe June 2,